I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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