well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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