the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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