Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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