the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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