"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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