god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
