Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
