you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
