Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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