Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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