It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
