I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
