To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
