I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
