wake up i wanna do it froggy style
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize