I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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