i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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