just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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