I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
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Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
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I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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