I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
