you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize