Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
whose ass print is on the piano?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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