I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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