Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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