I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
