I smell stomach acid.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
