Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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