why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize