She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
