She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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