The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
