There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
