My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
