No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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