I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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