Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
