He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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