She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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