Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
