Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dicks are not precious.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
