If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
