If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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