So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
