it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
