dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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