DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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