pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
