Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
