I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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