We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
