Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
