hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
