I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
