I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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