he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
