Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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