I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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