Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The convent might be a nice break from real life
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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