u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
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Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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