Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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