I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
